Why nobody respects Bleacher Report

People nowadays send me anything to do with uniforms, what with the various bones I've picked over my 37 years on the internet. The truth is, the Oregon Ducks won. It turns out a wildly changing uniform and stupid looking epaulets are what it takes to attract short sighted college bound athletes. Some schools, like, say, Alabama and Purdue thrive on tradition, and believe that uniforms should be, you know, uniform. Now that you've gotten off my lawn, let's talk about this.

This is a couple months old, but a writer and Bleacher Report ran some fan created, hypothetical Nike Pro combat uniforms for the NFL. They were.... well... For example, here is the Vikings look:

So yeah, they're pretty awful. I could have linked to a number of different places with these monstrosities, but instead I wanted to point you to Bleacher Report because of the unabashed support for almost all of the new looks. Below are all the comments for these jerseys, with comments from me, where I feel they are warranted.

Dolphins - This design keeps the flamboyant colors that Miami is often associated with, but at the same time is able to make it somewhat fearsome.
 Patriots - A nice job of incorporating the patriotic theme into the jersey. The American flag on the sides is an insane touch that makes this jersey pop out. (Maybe the most offensive of the bunch, tearing up the American flag like that. It looks like an AFL team)
 Jets - It's amazing how adding black to a jersey can make it so much more intimidating. (One of the few looks I personally like)
Broncos - Using their throwback logo, this Broncos uniform changes things up tremendously. Tim Tebow will rep it well. (Nice work, fitting in a Tebow reference)
Chiefs - Not much to do to make the McDonald's-like color scheme of the Chiefs look appealing, but this design does indeed make it somewhat better. The choice of a more vibrant yellow adds a little more zing. (Dude loves yellow. Stay tuned for more)
 Raiders - The color scheme chosen by Al Davis is always one which provokes fear. With this new design it looks even more scary than it does today.
 Chargers - Like the Chiefs, this design uses a more vibrant yellow, allowing for a much more amazing design. (Vibrant yellow)
 Ravens - The black shoulders combined with the purple makes this one of the most intimidating jerseys of the potential release.
Bengals - Dang. The tiger design is absolutely, positively, undeniably incredible. (The pants look like Zubaz. I deny the tiger design is incredible)
 Browns - Poor Cleveland Browns can't catch a break anywhere. (Actually, the Browns caught a lucky break, because they had no changes to their uniforms) 
Steelers - What's impressive about this design is how the red and blue from the old helmet is incorporated into the sleeve. (So impressive) 
Texans - With such an extravagant jersey today, there is surprisingly nothing too impressive about this one. (When I think Houston Texans, I think extravagence, but that's mostly because Houston is such a cosmopolitan city) 
Colts - Not too much of a change for the Colts' uniform. Hopefully their record will have a bigger change. (Zing!) 
Jaguars - I don't know how I feel about the leopard design. (The first of the truly modified jerseys he didn't like. And also, I assume that is a Jaguar design, what with the team being the Jacksonville Jaguars and all) 
Titans - In my opinion, the Titans currently have one of the worst uniforms in the NFL, but this new design does everything to incredibly upgrade the Titans' uniform. (The helmet was cool. What? I can't be negative all the time)
 Cowboys - Its amazing just how turning the white into dark grey can make a uniform look so much better. (There was no change to the uniform. He is just color blind, or doesn't understand shadows, or that the Cowboys wear gray already.) 
Giants - The additions of the black and red add to a pretty boring design.
 Eagles - Similar to the feathers on the Oregon Ducks' uniform, the addition of the Eagle feathers on the shoulder makes this jersey look unbelievable. (I agree with unbelievable, but I assume he means something different) 
Redskins - That helmet is such an increase from the current one. The additions of feathers on uniforms make them seem so much more realistic. (No opinion on the uniform itself, but I do have to question who taught this guy English. It reads like spam from Hong Kong)
Bears - The blue and black background makes the orange pop out, adding a little more fire than what we see today. (Chicago Bears, historic, venerated uniforms. Need more pop) 
Vikings - I am simply loving the bright yellows that are being used. Also look at the horns on the sleeves. (Bright yellows)
Saints - Similar look, but the addition of the gold on the shoulders makes this design even more amazing. 49ers - Similar look, still impressive. (Actually, completely different look, looks terrible) 
Falcons - Again, the darkness adds intimidation. (Agreed. Intimidating) 
Panthers - Personally, I like the current ones better, but these are still pretty amazing. (He likes TEAL better than black. I actually think these Panthers mockups are pretty sweet.) 
Rams - Not extremely different, but the uniform still keeps the intimidation factor. Now, if only the Rams were actually intimidating...(zing!)
Seahawks - Loving the neon green as the secondary color. I hope there will be an even cooler alternate jersey with the neon green as the base.(This is exactly the same, which leads me to believe that the Seahawks are already using Pro Combat. And the Seahaks DID use a neon green alternate. It made a nation weep tears of blood) 
Bills - Very similar—nothing much to say.
Cardinals - This one can go either way; a handful of people will love this, while others will vomit from it. Lions - I would think Nike would try to incorporate the mane of a lion into this design somehow—guess not.(I would love to see the Lions wearing fur coats. Also, I am sure it is just an artistic error, but the Lion mascot on the helmet is pointed in the wrong direction, so the Lion can poop in the eyes of the wearer.) 
Buccaneers - I love the use of the throwback logo; a good look for Tampa. (Hey, one last one we agree on)  


So of a total of 31 teams (the Packers weren't included) he was positive about 25 of them. In fact, he said 4 of them were "intimidating" and 5 of them to be "amazing" This is what we are fighting against in trying to prevent eyesores from becoming prevalent in the NFL. And it lurks at Bleacher Report

Maryland hearkens back to the 70s, acid

Yes, that is based on the Maryland state flag, but really, it reminds me of those acid induced movies of the 70s that were supposed to be "artsy". Each half of the helmet looks like some sort of print to be worn on a leotard in such a movie. I don't care if you agree with me, or if it makes any sense. I might just be tripping really hard right now, and these uniforms may not be real.

Delmon Young, what do you think of these uniforms?

How about you, baby elephant?

That's what I thought.

I hate Nike

The Oregon Ducks, it turns out, have just been a warning beacon to us all. Nike WILL be infiltrating the rest of college football with their uniform retardery, and there is nothing we can do about it. In ESPN's college football preview (in the magazine, which I can't figure out how to hyperlink to), football players rated the Oregon unis the best. Damn kids, not knowing what's what.
Well, Nike, now emboldened by the next generation of half-witted, pot-smoking hippy kids, rolled out their "pro combat" uniforms, which almost unanimously look terrible. Of course, everyone under the age of 22 thinks they look amazing. Kids are morons.
TCU's are far and away the worst. "The helmet has two red lines down the center that represent the blood that shoots from a horned frog’s eyes when under attack. Lewis said the lines also symbolized the brotherhood that unites the team." I would have thought a Christian school would look down on abortions like this.
Paul Lukas is the only saving grace in this regard.  Why can't the sane every be heard in dens of madness?

See anything you liked this weekend? OR What the heck is wrong in the Pacific Northwest?

This blog is slowly becoming Uniwatch, but sometimes, I just can't help myself. I thought Oregon was done surprising me. They had the 80 different uniform options, and clearly, they were trying to use any of them. I was done with them. And then they decided to break out a vomit themed throwback uniform.
Gross. And apparently there are 81 possible uniforms for the Ducks. Speaking of avian football teams in the Pacific Northwest, the Seahawks decided to steal the thunder of those in Oregon, by introducing this little number.

That sound you hear is the jersey. Ir's that loud.

(Oregon photo from ESPN, Seahawks from the Chicago Tribune)

I'm obliged to comment on this

Last week, the sports world was on pins and needles, waiting to see the newest fashions from those beacons in of haute couture in the sports world, the Oregon Ducks. Well, the new unis were released last week, and I received more tips on this single topic than any other in the history of the site. It appears as though I have developed something of a reputation when it comes to getting under the skin of Oregon fans.
Usually, I like to wait until the season has begun and see for myself how the Ducks have offended everyone's vision, but this time around, I'm going to go for the preemptive strike. First, let's take a look at what Oregon will be offering.


Let's recap my qualms with the Oregon uniforms of years past.
1.) There were too many.
2) They were sensationally offensive to anyone with the ability to see.
3) They were stupid.

I'm happy to say for anyone that has to watch the Ducks this year, that the colors have been toned down quite a bit. Thank goodness for that. The other two problems, however, the number problem and the stupid factor are still in full effect.
Let's review: There are 5 different jerseys, 3 pairs of pants, at least 4 helmets and only 12 games. Way to build brand identity, guys! Also, the feathers that we so stupid? Still there.

Admittedly, the uniforms are much better looking, mostly because of the toned down colors. Also, they lost the truck step pattern of the old uniforms, but honestly, I don't understand what compels Oregon to keep doing this. I understand that Nike is a huge donor to the university, but doesn't this just convey to prospective students that all the money goes into the athletic department? Everyone has a deal with an athletic apparel company, but holy cow. Different uniforms every game of the season for about the past 3 years?
I don't know who they hope to rope in with this scheme either. I mean, the devoted fans will remain devoted and will tell people they love the uniforms and shout down bloggers who, like the rest of society, think the choice in apparel is asinine. Prospects, I'm sure, would be more concerned with whether or not the school is able to beat USC, rather than how fly they look in their winged jerseys. (Get it?!) After much thought, the only new fans you might garner are youngsters flipping through the channels, thinking they have come across an episode of Power Rangers. Eventually they are going to start asking where Megazord is. There's not any Megazord, Oregon!
In conclusion, your uniforms are dumb, Oregon.

How do you make a bad team feel worse about their season?

Make their uniforms look like they have been soaked in a horrible mustard/urine blend!