This winter, the GMs of Minnesota's four major sports teams, Terry Ryan of the Twins, Rob Brzezinski of the Vikings, Kevin McHale of the Timberwolves and Doug Risebrough de
cided to hop in Brzezinski's '87 Plymouth Voyager and head to northern Minnesota for a private meeting of the minds. Then, somewhere between Brainerd and Bemidji, they ran into a blizzard. The Voyager broke down, and they were stranded. What transpired next? Fortunately, I had recording devices in the car! The transcripts are found below.
RB: Doggone! Looks like we're stranded!
KM: Whew. Good thing I brought this fleece blanket!
TR: And I jsut happen to have these packets of hot cocoa.
DR: (Raises thermos of hot water)
RB: Ooh, I have a survival pack in the back! I'll go get it!
KM: I'll bet I stay warm with this blanket! Although, I'm just going to throw this out there. I could probably use a new pair of mittens to go along with it. Doug. Trade you mittens?
DR: (Shrugs. Mittens exchanged)
TR: Well, once I've developed this dry cocoa into a good cup of HOT cocoa, I'll stay warm!
DR: (Takes sip of hot water) Ouch!
(Door slams again)
RB: I'm back! Take a look at this sweet survival kit.
KM: Oh cool! .... Wait... this is all just hats.
RB: I know! Awesome, right?
KM, TR: uh....
KM: Tell you what. I'll trade you my mittens and my hat for your mittens and hat.
RB: Oh my goodness! Are those Dougs mittens? They are purple with bunnies on them! I don't want those!
DR: (giggles. Sips water) Ouch!
RB: Tell you what. I'll take one of your ugly mittens if you give me your hat.
KM: I'm not sure what I'll do with three mittens, but it's a deal.
TR: Yes Rob?
RB: Trade you this ugly mitten for a pack of cocoa.
TR: What the heck am I going to do with three mittens?
RB: Trade it and my jacket for your hat?
TR: You have yourself a deal.
DR: (Takes sip of water) Ouch!
***20 minutes later***
KM: I am so cold! I just can't get warm even with this blanket!
RB: Well, why don't you try to swing a deal with Terry and Doug? They look like they could use a blanket, and they have hot water and packets of cocoa back there. It'll take a while, but I bet you could warm up that way.
KM: I'm not so sure if I actually want to give up this big ticket item for an undeveloped packet of cocoa and water. I would have to spend too much time mixing them.
TR: Yeah. I could really make something out of this cocoa. I want to wait and see what happens with it.
RB: Ok... Let's try this. I'll trade Kevin my snowpants, Kevin will give Doug his three mittens and I will get Doug's hat?
KM: I'm growing fond of my three mittens....
RB: Fine. Give him your boots then.
KM: 2 Boots for snowpants?! Are you crazy?
RB (sighs heavily) Fine. One boot. How's that sound Doug?
DR: (shrugs. Sips water) Ouch!
TR: Well, I think I'm going to see about making some hot cocoa.
KM: But you don't have any hot water.
TR: I've made friggin cocoa before, Kevin.
KM: All right. You're the boss.
TR: (Opens cocoa) (Crack in Voyager's windshield allows wind to blow dried cooca everywhere.) Aw, pinochle.
DR: (Sips water) Ouch!
RB: Are you willing to give up that undeveloped cocoa yet?
TR: The previous failure of the packets of cocoa doesn't necessarily mean I'll fail to develop the remaining packs of cocoa. (Shivers furiously)
KM: (Shivers furiously)
RB: (Shivers furiously) Ok. This is ridiculous. (Takes of pants, wraps around head.) That should do the trick.
DR: (Sips water) Ouch!
(A snowmobile engine is heard in the distance) (A snowmobile moving at about 60mph backwards with the driver screaming in terror flies by)
RB: We're saved!
KM. TR. DR: Uh.....
RB: Excuse me! Can you help us?!
Moustachioed Snowmobiler: Uh.... sure.
RB: Ever been on a snowmobile before?
RB: Ever actually driven a snowmobile before?
RB: Whatever. You're my ticket out of here!
(Snow mobile speeds off. Crashes into only tree for miles.)
RB: (Distantly) Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick! I made all the right moves! I have so many hats and got a yahoo to drive me out of here? Why is my ass so cold?!
****20 minutes later****
(Two dog sleds appear on the horizon)
TR: It's Tom Kelly and Lou Nanne!
DR: (sips water) Ouch!
TK: Hop aboard guys! We're here to save you!
LN: Plenty of room for all three of you!
TK: Wait wait wait. Kevin. We can't bring the blanket. Not enough room.
KM: I'm not going anywhere without the blanket!
LN: If you keep the blanket, you can't be saved!
KM I'm keeping the blanket!
TK: Loser. Let's get out of here. TERRY! What are you DOING?!
TR: (covered in chocolate, sheepishly) Nothing......
LN: Let's go.
DR: (sips water) Ouch!