The Twins have money to burn
The St. Paul Pioneer Press recently reported that the Twins had 22 million dollars to burn. With today's signing of Livan Hernandez for 5 million, that leaves 17 mil to throw around. What can they do with all that money? Well, I have some suggestions.
- Veteran center fielder, like Kenny Lofton or Corey Patterson to give the young
sters more time to develop.
- Coupons to Old Country Buffet for Livan and Boof Bonser.
- Create a series of instructional videos teaching Nick Punto the fundamental physics of why it's a bad idea to dive into first base. Swimmers dive into the pool because they need to become horizontal. Nick Punto needs to stay upright and run through the base.
- Create a series of instructional videos teaching Nick Punto how to hit.
- Find a nice home for Carl Pohlad.
- Anger management sessions for Delmon Young.
- A third catcher (submitted by Ron Gardenhire).
- Pay for Justin Morneau's wedding.
- Pay for my wedding.
- Find someone willing to marry me.
- Get new "Third place in the AL Central" team rings.
- Johan Santana. (Crap.)
- Steroids for Alexi Casilla
- A bribe so MLB looks the other way.
- Trips home for Joe Mauer.
- And Glenn Perkins.
- And Pat Neshek.
- A vowel for Kent Hrbek
- The entire Pittsburgh Pirates roster.
All of these are good ideas.
- Veteran center fielder, like Kenny Lofton or Corey Patterson to give the young
sters more time to develop.- Coupons to Old Country Buffet for Livan and Boof Bonser.
- Create a series of instructional videos teaching Nick Punto the fundamental physics of why it's a bad idea to dive into first base. Swimmers dive into the pool because they need to become horizontal. Nick Punto needs to stay upright and run through the base.
- Create a series of instructional videos teaching Nick Punto how to hit.
- Find a nice home for Carl Pohlad.
- Anger management sessions for Delmon Young.
- A third catcher (submitted by Ron Gardenhire).
- Pay for Justin Morneau's wedding.
- Pay for my wedding.
- Find someone willing to marry me.
- Get new "Third place in the AL Central" team rings.
- Johan Santana. (Crap.)
- Steroids for Alexi Casilla
- A bribe so MLB looks the other way.
- Trips home for Joe Mauer.
- And Glenn Perkins.
- And Pat Neshek.
- A vowel for Kent Hrbek
- The entire Pittsburgh Pirates roster.
All of these are good ideas.
Labels: Minnesota Twins, MLb, Whimsy
posted by Ryan | 10:59 PM
3 Comments:
I can honestly say that Minneapolis is the most buffet-happy town of any place I've lived.
Maybe the Twins can lure David Wells if they put him on the "buffet a day" plan.
Boof is supposed to lose weight. I don't think trips to Old Country Buffet will help him. And I'd be happy to donate one of the excess vowels from my last name to Hrbek.
I loved when someone (probably Batgirl) had commented, "When are Doug Meintkiewicz and Kent Hrbek going to get together to exchange batting tips for vowels?"
I think they should give money to me. I'm sure I can find a good use for it, but nothing crazy like taking over the world. Don't even think about that..
Post a Comment
<< Home