Law enforcement news

I think these are the funniest posts that I do, these explorations into the seedy underbelly of crime in America and across the planet. Of course, this is generally how I make my nearest and dearest friends, like Ben Repinski.
This one takes place in St. Louis Park. This is about young Steven Mansfield, whom I have decided goes by Stevie. Let's see where the police encountered Stevie... "driving a golf cart heading south on the northbound shoulder of Hwy. 100 near Hwy. 7".
Let's see you talk your way out of THAT one, Steve-o (He's Steve-o now).

Mansfield, a bit unsteady on his feet, told the troopers that he worked for a golf course and was returning the cart, but he could not name his employer.

I love two parts of this. "A bit unsteady on his feet" is such a gentle way to describe it. Was he a nervous nellie? Yeah, that's probably it! Also, I like that Stevie (Stevie again) couldn't come up with a golf course. He could come up with a golf cart, but not a golf course. Don't they usually have that on like, the key, or the cart or somewhere prominently written SOMEWHERE? Stevie is a bit unsteady thinking on his feet. 

He then told them he took the cart from nearby Westside Volkswagen so he could get gasoline for a friend who ran out of gas.

A) They have a golf cart at the Volkswagen dealer? Sweet gig, if you work there
B) What a champ, getting gas for a friend, even if it is via reckless golf cart
C) So, is he going to get charged with stealing the golf cart? I mean, he was going to bring it back

The troopers declined to have him perform standard roadside balance tests for fear he might hurt himself.

Yeah... Stevie was a little bit more than "a bit unsteady on his feet." I am trying to figure out how drunk you have to be to hurt yourself while trying to touch your nose.


Also, this is totally a sports post, since it involved a golf cart.

More from Minnesota crime

Let me tell you the story about a man, his name Benjamin Repinski. Mr. Repinski is from Winona and he is a fan of partying and making poor decisions. Recently, Ben (I'm going to call him Ben) went to a part and got drunk. Ben was smart enough to know he wasn't well enough to drive home, so he asked a young lady at the party to give him a ride. On the way home, the young lady confused the gas and brake, drove over a highway signe, through a yard and into a garden. Now would be a good time to mention that the young lady was also drunk. And 12. She was drunk and 12. Ben now realized the folly of his ways and sought to secure a different ride home. Still, he knew he had to get the car out of the garden and hopped in to the drivers seat and right into a shed. The police then arrived and booked Ben and brought his 12 year old friend (that he had been partying with) to the hospital.

The police obviously had questions. One officer was on his way to the hospital to ask the young lady involved a few of them. On the way in, he passed a wobbly moped, whose driver was wearing sunglasses. It was the wee hours of the morning, and the officer thought all this was unusual. Turns out, sunglass moped guy was on his way to pick up Ben. Sunglass moped guy was also drunk.

Let's review what we need to know about Ben Repinski
- Went to a party, picked up a 12 year old.
- Needed a ride home, and his two options were the 12 year old (drunk) and a guy on a moped (also drunk)
- When he tried to drive, he actually did worse than the drunk 12 year old

That, ladies and gentlemen, is Ben Repinski.

I am a criminal

So last night, I was on my way home from Real Job Inc, and getting ready to pull into my street when I saw the cherries and berries behind me. I was getting pulled over! The street I had been on had a speed limit so slow on a 4 lane street that it's hard to NOT speed, so I knew I was busted. Bad luck to be sure.
The officer came to my window and said right off the bat that "I wasn't blowing the doors off people, but I was going 45 in a 35 earlier. I wasn't going to get a ticket, but could I provide my license and proof of insurance?"
Now here are two fun facts: I moved to my new place last December and haven't updated my ID. Also, I keep all of my old Proofs of Insurance in my glovebox, and I had a tough time finding the insurance card. In fact, I never found the current one. I did pretty much everything wrong with this stop. I had been speeding, I had an invalid license and despite my best efforts, I never provided my ACTUAL proof of insurance.
I was probably tagged to be pulled over because my car looks like garbage, but upon getting to the car and talking to me, seeing that my ID just had the wrong address and that I wasn't acting erratically, the astute officer of the law (as any astute officer of the law would) surmised that my ID issues, Proof of Insurance issues weren't a big deal and let me go. I was just lazy and disorganized, not some sort of ruthless bandit.
I think this is an important lesson to so many athletes of the day. Most cops are reasonable people. When they pull people over, most of the time they either A) are legitimately pulling you over because you are going way too fast or B) are trying to prevent any suspicious activity. Act earnestly and do whatever the cops ask. If you don't give them a reason to be suspicious, they won't be suspicious. I have no sympathy for an athlete that flips out when he gets pulled over. Just try and help the guy out, and you'll be on your way in 5 minutes.