Predictions, 2010

Ryan posted his yesterday, so here's my predictions for 2010...

NL EAST
Washington Nationals
Florida Marlins
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves

The Washington Nationals come as the surprise team in the National League. It turns out, someone in the Nationals media department managed to convince the other teams in the National League that the Nationals weren’t a real team and all games against them were exhibition games. This lead to half-hearted efforts, and some easy wins for the Nationals, who were not in on the joke. The media guy later admitted that the Nationals would’ve believed the hoax, too, if he told them.

NL CENTRAL
Chicago Cubs
St. Louis Cardinals
Pittsburg Pirates
Houston Astros
Milwaukee Brewers

The Pittsburg Pirates looked in position to take over the NL Central until September 19. On Talk Like a Pirate Day, the Pirates managed to all become addicted to rum, and the AA meetings interfered with game times, leading many regulars to miss games. The Cubs

NL WEST
San Diego Padres
Arizona Diamondbacks
Colorado Rockies
Los Angeles Dodger
San Francisco Giants

The Giants came in last place because the baseball writers hated spelling Francisco, and bribed the umpires. Other than citizens of the city, and Twins starter Francisco Liriano, no one cared much.

AL EAST
Baltimore Orioles
Toronto Blue Jays
New York Yankees
Boston Red Sox
Tampa Bay {Devil} Rays

While everyone hoped Orioles wouldn’t come in last place, they were the surprise of the season. The Yankees, with their great offense, and good pitching, realized that when they let a player take a day off to rest that they should replace the player on the field. The games without their catcher hurt the most.

AL CENTRAL
Kansas City Royals
Minnesota Twins
Cleveland Indians
Chicago White Sox
Detroit Tigers

The Royals find out that Zach Grienke isn’t really a normal human; he’s a science experiment gone terribly right. He doesn’t needs the four days of rest between starts. In fact, it’s discovered that he only needs 87 minutes, 31.5 seconds of rest between starts. This drastically changes the outlook of the Royals, who immediately replace starters 2-5 with two extra bullpen guys, and two extra batters. Grienke’s pitching allows the Royals to handily take the division with a 120-62 record. The Twins, for the third year straight, force a game 163 against the Blue Jays for the Wild Card slot. The Blue Jays, not realizing their error, picked up shortstop Adam Everett, who for the third year straight was on the losing team of Game 163. (Why aren’t the White Sox last? Because I feel generous today, and I don’t want to hear Steve to be mad at me.)


AL WEST

Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners
Oakland A’s
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Using the heat of Texas as their home-field advantage to deplete the energy of their opponents, the Rangers handily win all their home games against their division rivals, who play in more temperate climates. (The teams from the Midwest and Northeast, being used to extreme temperatures, are only mildly affected by the extreme heatwave that lasts all summer in Texas.)

Playoffs:
NL: Nationals over the Cubs
Padres over the Marlins
Nationals over Padres
AL: Royals over the Orioles
Twins over Rangers

World Series:
Nationals versus Twins. In game seven, after the 32nd inning was finished with the 4-4 tie, fans were asked if anyone cared anymore who won (Games 1-6 all went between 13 and 21 innings). A resounding “no” came from the four fans still awake (although three of them caught naps between the 18-26th innings). A coin toss was attempted, but the coin landed on it’s side. The umpires declared the Cubs the winners and everyone went to bed happy. Except the Cubs’ fans, who were all in bed long before, and were bummed about missing their team finally winning.

April Fools! I suck at making predictions. I’m biased, and find it difficult to compare teams on paper (players, I'm good with; teams, not so much). So, like last year, I want to make insane predictions that, if they end up being true, will be a little frightening. Although it’s impossible for me to count my Twins out at all.

As an aside, and this, sadly, is not an April Fool’s joke, is one little note on my least favorite team, and the player that represents that team. Of all the things I’m thankful for is that while Derek Jeter is known as the Captain of the Yankees, he doesn’t wear a “C” on his chest, like Jason Varitek did for the Red Sox. Captains are completely unnecessary from a game perspective in baseball (clubhouse relations, they can be important, but still are not needed). (Hockey, for example, needs a captain, because the captains do have a function during the game, in talking to referees.) Anyway, on Wednesday, March 31*, 2010, the Twins were playing split squad games. Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, and Michael Cuddyer—players whom people would consider the leaders on the Twins—were playing the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (look, it sounds better than Rays to me. Ray is a name. Rays sounds like a team made up of a bunch of guys name Ray). Some “regulars” like Denard Span, Alexi Casilla, and Delmon Young were playing against the Yankees in Tampa. Span is from Tampa. In the first at-bat of the game, he hit a line-drive foul ball into the stands—and hit his mother. He rushed to the stands and stayed until the medics came. After that, his head wasn’t in the game. In the second or third inning,
Derek Jeter pulled Span aside, and told him to go see about his mother. Span left the game. (His mother is fine.)

My mom’s birthday! Yes, we like to tell her she was born a day early.

I don’t like the Yankees. Derek Jeter represents the Yankees. Yet, in a team where the Twins didn’t really have any of their leaders, Derek Jeter stepped up to provide some veteran leadership. For that, I tip my cap to him. This, however, does not give him permission to get any hits against the Twins.

Timberwolves update: They have a 1-2 record since I last reported. They’re now at 15-60, or a 20.0% winning percentage. The have the worst record in the West, but New Jersey has the worst record in the NBA, 10-65. While their seasons have been over for a long time, I’m sure fans are wondering when they’ll stop playing games. Or attempting to play.

Wild Update: The Wild have a 37-34-6 record, for a 48.1% winning percentage. They’re not mathematically out of the playoff picture yet, but neither are the Washington Nationals.