Newfangled "Grocery store" introduced to Victoria

Victoria, population 4000 something, has rumbled through the 20th and beginning of the 21st century with no means of purchasing real food. Sure, you could get a big bag of Doritos or maybe some strawberry milk at the Holiday station, but there was no way to find some healthy nutrition in which to feed your family. You had to go 10 miles away just to get a damn cantaloupe.
Not anymore. That's right friends and readers from Victoria, we're getting a grocery store. Sure it's small and independently owned and is being put into a lumber supply company, but it's going to be right there for us. All that fresh produce! Just watch out for wood screws.
Heady times in Victoria. Heady times.

Buckle Up, Kids -- Uncle J Is Here

Yes, that’s right. It’s your strange, aloof, pot-stirring – and a little pervy – favorite uncle here to take over VT for today. No, no, take it easy Vermont National Guard. At ease, boys, at ease! Go back to drinking maple syrup. I’m referring to here, Victoria Times, and I’m your guest-host for the day.

We’d like to say we at Boiled Sports were flattered to be asked to fill in today, but given that we don’t usually do much on our own site on the weekends, this was kind of like Bill Lumburgh coming over and telling us he needed us to, “go ahead and come in on Sunnndayyy. Ummm, yeeeeahhhh. Okay, greeeaaat.”

No, really, it’s always fun to help out a fellow blogger and we might even check the veracity of things we post, too!

As for Ryan and Steve, well, they’re off the reservation this weekend because of a wedding. Inside sources tell us it’s not to one another, but hey, the rules, they are a-changin’.

No, but seriously, folks, Steve is getting married this weekend and we wish him the best. Of course, none of us at BS actually know Steve personally – if we did, we’d probably be at his effing wedding instead of writing this claptrap. But I digress. All the best, Steve. Welcome to the dark side.

As for today, well, I’ve got the keys to VT and who knows where I’ll take us. Boilerdowd, one of my compatriots on BS, suggested that in keeping with the theme of our feature, Sideboob Friday, maybe we could do “Manboob Sunday” here at VT. You know, just to try out a new idea. I’m still thinking it over.

I like the opportunity because I know hockey is fair game around here, whereas when I try to talk about it on my own site, people nod off. Silly Midwesterners. For those of you who don’t know, Boiled Sports is a sports site that we like to call “Purdue-centric.” We are indeed obsessed with Purdue athletics but we also talk about all sorts of things in the world of sports.

And we like to stir the sh-t from time to time. I’m kind of a bigger a-hole that the nice guys (and gal) you’re used to reading here, so cover the kids’ eyes and get ready to roll.

It all begins and ends with links

Today has been kind of crazy. I found out we had a link on SI's Extra Mustard today and was blown away to find out how much traffic gets funneled our way by stuff like that. Over at Victoria-Weather, the Weather Blog gets a link every now and then from USA Today, or the Chicago Sun-Times or something, and that's nice, but nowhere near the publicity a link like this gave us. We got 11,000 hits today, which is awesome for us (I don't know how other sites do, of course). For perspective, thats almost three times as many people as live in the town that this blog is named after.Hey! Speaking of the town that this blog is named after, let's look at some local news! For those new to the site, there is a local newspaper that I used to honestly pore over for any bit of news in the Victoria (Minnesota) area, but the writing was just so biased and poor, even by my standards, that I eventually started making fun of the paper. Now, I've never identified the paper (though if you were really interested in doing so, I'm sure you could) nor named the writer/editor, but I call her Celine Dion, because nobody likes her. So, let's take a look at the April issue of this bastion of journalistic integrity.
The first thing I noticed was that the paper has added a new column (they haven't figured out hyperlinking to stories or columns, so I can't give you the blow by blow of what is actually being said here, but I can give you the name and the brief summary. It's a weather column, written by a 14 year old "budding climatologist". So, first off. Long time resident, actual meteorologist, has been known to write as well as use hyperlinks. This crazy cat can be found here or especially here. B) 14? Was part of the qualifications that they be a less skilled writer than you? Not saying that 14 year olds are necessarily bad writers, but I've heard from a lot of amateur climatologists lately that don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. Given your history, that's probably another qualification.
Oh, hey, you know what? I figured out why I wasn't asked to write. Never mind.
So, let's move on to the letters to the ed-- what happened to the link? And the scoop at the city hall? Are you kidding me? The links that were working are no longer? It's a new age, Celine, let's get with the times and hyperlink! You're worse than my dog! Christ, you're worse than Leitch!
Well, that's all I've got today I guess. Be back tomorrow at 3ET-2CT for some hot hot liveblogging action.

Breaking: Local News Editor Keeps Anthrax in Basement.

If you thought that the Friday before the NFL playoffs started, I would be previewing the matchups, perhaps making some picks, you are grossly mistaken. Ok, not grossly. Redskins, Jaguars, Chargers, and Bucs, all winners. No promises, but Sunday may see some frequent posting that some could refer to as a "live blog" but I won't because I doubt it will be very live, and since I'm entertaining, I don't think I would be a very good host with running to the computer frequently. So, no promises. A recap, perhaps.
But I digress. There is a newspaper to investigate. Let's go ahead and glean some information, shall we?
I have to admit, that the first story, the recap of 2007 in Victoria was a good one. It was both informative and introspective, fr th most part, highlighting all the things that make Victoria Victoria. I enjoyed it. Until the last little bit. "There were no car bombs in Victoria, no suicide terrorists, no mass graves, no torture chambers, and no reports of chemical weapons of mass destruction". Three things. First, thank you for reminding me that Victoria is better than Baghdad. I often forget. Second, I wasn't sure if there had been any car bombs. I thought there was one back in July, but I guess I was mistaken. Maybe it was just heartburn. Third, you say there were no chemical weapons found. Is there a stash of biological weapons floating around somewhere that I don't know about? Do you have anthrax in your basement, Ms. Dion?
In her letters to the editor section, Ms. Dion notes that she appreciates people sending her little news stories and tidbits, because she can't cover them all. That's right. She directly addressed one of my biggest gripes with this particular paper with a reasonable and thought out response? What?! Is it the end of the world? Well, no, unless she releases the anthrax.
Much of the rest of the paper regarded the progress seen in Victoria. They hired a new director for the Fieldhouse and plan to expand it, and they now have plans for expanding the downtown area. All this is inline with city planning projections of the population reaching 30000 by 2030. That's 22 years away. Thats more than 1000 people moving to Victoria a year. I wonder if they would move in if they knew about the anthrax.

I think I might be a better journalist than someone!

Recently, some car trouble (yes, Honda dealer, the alternator CAN go out on the '97 Accord, and in fact has. Twice on my car alone) left me stuck at my parents' house, and lo and behold, a copy of the Celine Dion Newsletter was there. You know what that means? It's time to check in on the city of Victoria/make fun of the local paper!

Due to her inability to create hyperlinks, the one interesting story (to me. I'm not a fan of human interest stories, but to each their own) I saw on the front page, one regarding a golf pro leaving the Deer Run Golf Club (where I used to work) to go be the Head Pro at Pebble Creek. Which one? There are several. I assume the one in Becker, Minnesota, but it could be the one in Cincinnati or New Jersey. Until Celine can figure out the art of the hyperlink, I'll never know. (Yes, it does bother me that I can't read about this but I can read all the personal mail she received in the past month).
I decided to poke around the paper a little more than I usually do, and decided to read the message from the editor. She mentioned the wildfires in California and wondered what she would save from the house if she were in the same situation. Her Catholicism, as ever, was pervasive, something I've grown to accept from the CDN, because frankly, Victoria is a Catholic town. What bothered me was that she slipped in another of her "I live on Park Drive and Victoria needs to do something to improve it" jibes. Today, she was complaining that it was her only way into or out of the neighborhood. Frankly, there is only one way out because there is one place to go. If you have a suggestion for another outlet, I'd like to hear it. I'm guessing she just doesn't wants something new because 5 and Park is so dangerous. (note: After searching the internet for reports of accidents, I found 1. Like, ever. (Additionally, while looking, I saw that some minutes from the Victoria Council meetings that said the Chanhassen Villager was the official paper of the city. Ha!))
Now, on to the traditional first part of the paper I read, the letters

I invite you to interview a gardening and cooking expert who will be giving a free lecture at the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. Here's a press release and her photo is attached. She quite an interesting woman and gives thoughtful, insightful, and fun interviews.

Can we perhaps read some of the press release? No? I didn't think so. So we know the location of this speaker, but not the name or time. Fabulous. Unless people read about it in the Villager, I doubt anyone was able to show up. Admittedly, if the writer of the letter had ever read the CDN before, she would know that she should have mentioned everything said in the press release in the letter as well, so it's not entirely Celine's fault. Well, it is for publishing the letter. That was just asinine.
Apparently, Celine's son got married. So it says in like 15 straight letters. Ugh. I'm glad my mom only talks about my achievements with her coworkers, rather than putting them in a newspaper with a circulation of a couple thousand people.
In another irresponsible bit of journalism, a writer wrote something informative and heartfelt about the affects of radon gas and how it causes lung cancer, and requested that Celine "help inform the citizens" of the dangerous affects. Sure! So she buried it on the 2nd page of her online letters to the editor page and didn't even provide a link to her attachment. Well, my circulation is the entire interwebs, so here's a link to something on the dangerous affects of radon. See? I can do something good sometimes.
The last pertinent letter was one that was actually sent to the mayor from the Lieutenant Governor regarding the Highway 5 bridge over the old railroad line, and the intended plans. It will get replaced, it appears, as Highway 5 is upgraded through Victoria in the coming years, but I was more intrigued that the letter ended up in the Letters to the Editor, and not the city hall news section, unless.... Yes, that's it. Celine thinks she's the mayor.
The first item of interest in the city hall section is a proposed ordinance to keep snowmobiles out of downtown. I have no problem with this. Why do you need to take them in town anyways, especially with a trail right there for you to use? Of course, this is Minnesota, and snowmobiles are important for people around here, so I'm sure this will raise the dander of a few people. Just take the sleds to Park Drive.
Another story that hits home for me is the idea of enforcing the speed in Kirchlelachen, my old neighborhood. While you're at it, why not make people stop at the stop sign at 81st and Trillium? I'm all in favor of having a squad car busting speeders in the neighborhood, however, I'm sure I'll get tagged on my way home sometime.
In a complete jerk move by a city resident in regard to the accrued vacation time of Steve Sarvi, Iraq War vet and City administrator, he said this:

We've been very gracious to Steve Sarvi. By law, we didn't have to do that ... I'm getting tired of playing Santa Claus. I don't think vacation time should have been accumu-lating while he was gone ... and now he has political aspirations. You can't tell me he can run for national office and still put in full time here for us.

Really? You don't think defending our nation earns someone a vacation? And almost everyone in a non executive or federal governmental elected position has a job, so why should that stop Sarvi? Relax pal. Tim "Neat Cool" Amundson had a good point, noting that people in the service definitely aren't earning a drastic amount of money, and are often just above the poverty line. Kudos, City Council for doing the right thing here.
Another responsible step taken by the Council was opposing the Met Council's move to have all cities in it's jurisdiction strive for densities of 3 housing units per acre, which for many places, especially on the outer fringe, is ridiculous. For one thing, people come to Victoria to space themselves out a little bit. Secondly, traffic in Victoria is already a nightmare. Let's straighten that out before we mandate high density suburbs, OK? (And how the heck do you do this in, say, Wayzata, where everyone owns a couple acres of lakefront property? Seriously.)
So that's it. Your look at Victoria. I apologize to anyone who has no idea what I'm talking about, which I suspect is everyone.

Small Town News

It's been a rough week or so for me. First, Steve beats me in our fantasy baseball championship series. This is what happens when you are loaded with Mets. Second, my baseball picks just went to hell. It's really bad when Dick Vitale beats you at this (or anything, really). Then there was the whole Stu Scott fiasco, and now Jesse Boulerice is just helping Scott's cause. I lost every fantasy sport available to me last week as well. Pro Football? Check. Pro football pick 'em? Check. College football pick 'em? Check (4/15! I should never gamble). Hockey? Double Check. Although, in one league I've been to focused on preparing for my matchup against Kevin from Melrose Rocks. I'm coming for you and Jeremy Roenick can't save you now.
So anyways, I don't particularly care to talk about sports right now. I DO want to talk about Victoria, since we haven't done that in far too long. Let's crack open the paper, shall we? Again, for a refresher, since readership has about sextupled since the last time we did this, the paper I'm referring to is local to Victoria, Minnesota, and I'm so hard on it, I won't name it. The editor, whom I call Celine Dion, because nobody likes Celine Dion, has total ownership of it. I personally call the paper the Celine Dion Newsletter, but nobody understands. So let's pick this piece of biased journalism to shreds, shall we?
Actually, my mom and dad were recently in the paper for being on the winning team for a local golf tournament (athleticism does run in my genes!) only to find that the online version doesn't run pictures. While poking around that part of the site, I decided to look at the notes and quotes and was delighted to see this one, from someone on the ETWN named Mark Cristina: "There was global warming before people inherited the earth." First off, thank you, person with no scientific background giving a quote that doesn't make any sense. And I thought the church had an anti-evolution type of stance, if I was not mistaken? How was there earth before humans? The second bit of thanks goes to Celine, of course, for printing an obviously biased quote that shows exactly why I don't like her. Where is the sciencey type person to refute Mr. Cristina's quote? Anywhere? Well, the Church has always been the bastion for good science, so I guess we should take the ETWN's word for it. (Note: I'm a Catholic!)
The next step, as always, is to meander over to the letters to the editor, where the only real news actually takes place. In it, we learn that the Harman Retail Nursery is now open. (Celine will not be writing a story.) A Victoria resident was killed in a motorcycle accident, and frankly, the writer or the letter could have spared some of the gruesome details. (Celine will not be writing a story.) The Mayor wrote a letter regarding some communique between her and the Lieutenant Governor regarding the Highway 5 bridge and it's safety rating (49.1, which is only slightly below grade). With the recent attention given to Minnesota bridges, as well as the intended expansion of 5, this is an important issue. (Celine will not be writing a story.) There were awards and benefit announcements throughout the letters section. (Celine will not be writing a story.) There were several letters that were clearly not intended to be printed in the paper, and had the feel of personal notes, written to her or the business in general. (Celine MAY be writing a story.)
In the City Hall portion of the paper, Celine goes back to her favorite issue, the Highway 5 -Park Drive intersection, which she once called the most dangerous intersection in the county. Of course, I've never even heard of an accident there, and there is absolutely truth to the rumor that she has to turn at that intersection. She gets pretty livid, even using italics, to note that the City Council will not be applying for funding to study that intersection. The nerve! The town spending their money wisely instead of responding to your pet issue?! But how will the intersection ever become not dangerous? Oh. Right. It's already not. Although Councilmember Richard Tieden believes it is. Says Tieden, "It's a dangerous intersection." I stand corrected.
There was a lot of talk about Steve Sarvi, City Administrator, and his recent return from Iraq, which is applauded. There was some hubbub about a new policy regarding city employees that I admittedly didn't understand but which Sarvi was in the middle of. The end had a little bit of bad news. Steve had kidney stones! Exactly what he wanted the town to know.

So on that note, I leave you with the news that mostly, the rest of the paper is boring nonsense that nobody would ever intentionally read about, much less write about. So, with that, I'm done.