A Farewell to Injuries

I had a tendency to refer to former Minnesota Wild wing Marian Gaborik in uncomplimentary terms often enough (the word “Delicate” was often used). The guy simply didn’t stay healthy. I have pretty poor health (nothing serious, fortunately), but at least I can show up for work almost every day. Sure, my co-workers hate to listen to me coughing, but if I stayed home every time I got a cough, I’d miss about two months every year. My job doesn’t require me to be healthy, unlike someone in the entertainment industry, like a singer, actor, or athlete. They need to be healthy to perform. If they’re not healthy, they tend to fade away.

That being said, Marian Gaborik was one of my favorite hockey players to watch when he was healthy. The boy has amazing talents on the ice. He’s exciting to watch, because he can do things that seem impossible—and make them seem effortless. Every good athlete does this, sure. The first Wild game I attended, and the third hockey game I’d attended in my life, Marian Gaborik got a hat trick. I didn’t know much about hockey, but I knew what a hat trick was, and I knew how rare and special they were. It made the game that much more exciting. (I later learned it was the first ever hat trick by a Minnesota Wild player, too!) Things like that make a player a special memory.

And that’s all Marian Gaborik will become. He has now signed a 5-year contract with the New York Rangers. (Really, Gaby, couldn’t you sign with the Islanders, so I could watch you and my former favorite Gopher, Kyle Okposo?!) While I adore Mikko Koivu, has been healthy (Mattias Ohlund breaking his leg excepting), it’s hard to forget your first favorite player. The guy who made the game special to you by making your first game special.

I wish him well, but I shall always be sad that I don’t get to see him regularly. Of course, with his injuries, it’s not like I ever did.

For the love of all that's sane...

Ryan's not going to discuss the Johan Santana trade. I'm certainly not here to discuss who "won" the trade, or who "lost" the trade. Let me bring up two facts:
1. You're not going to trade a super-star for two super-stars. While this is the only possible trade that would pacify most Minnesota fans, it wasn't going to happen.
2. It's way too soon to decide all that stuff.

As a Twins fan, I’m sad Santana is no longer with the team. On the other hand, the writing was on the wall, probably starting back in late July/early August when the Twins traded Luis Castillo. There was so much gossip, so many rumors, and so much drama, that it’s almost a relief that it’s over--provided the trade goes through. (And it will. There’s no way that the Mets spend so much time and energy to not work out a contract, unless Santana and his agent go insane and ask for $40 million per year for 60 years…) I really have little opinion of the trade. I don’t know enough about the kids involved to know, and it seems no one is quite decided, although most seem to think the Mets got a pretty good deal. I thought about doing an analysis of the players involved, but I need to see them in the Twins system before I can say anything. I’ll get back to you in August. I still won’t analyze the trade, most likely, but I’ll have a better idea of who these kids are.

Ryan also said he wasn’t going to talk about the Super Bowl. I stand by my assessment from last week. Undefeated is pretty awesome, and I’d love to see it. Two factors keep me from rooting for the Patriots: I’m a big fan of the underdog, and Boston fans are insufferable. On the other hand, New York fans are insufferable, too. Pretty much no matter what happens, there will be insufferable east coast fans, and an amazing end to a season for one team. I’m not expected to pick a winner, am I? Oh, fine. Patriots. Final score: 27-14. (I really hope someone uses my completely random prediction to make a bet. Because I completely made them up based on zero analysis of the teams, their seasons, and whatever else one analyzes to predict football scores.)

In other news, I watched the NHL All-Star game Sunday. It was a fun game. With a different goalie in the first period, the West would’ve had a nicer chance at the game. It was 5-1 East winning, after the first period, but ended up being a very intense end of the game, for a final of 7-6. It makes one wonder if a different goalie in the first for the West could’ve changed the game, although my untrained eye saw the West feeling each other out as a team in the first, and the East jumping right in with teamwork. Hey, kids, teamwork counts!

Really, Ryan. Kirk Cameron? :shakes head: How ‘bout this absolutely hilarious picture from the NHL All-Star weekend?

10 years ago in Slovakia...

The scene: A laboratory somewhere in Trencin, 1997.
The President of Slovakia, Mikuláš Dzurinda, is in a room with several scientists, poring over their work.

The Prez: Well, even though we requested the split from the Czech Republic, we're being embarrassed. The Czechs are blowing us away in all manner of economic and cultural advances. Tell me, you have completed our secret weapon?

Scientist: Well, after the supply problems with the first two, the failure to properly adjust the psychological parameters on versions 3-7 and the last one getting his hand stuck in the garbage disposal, I introduce to you, Agent 9!

Agent 9 stands up, trips and falls into much of Slovakia's computer equipment, electricuting him.
6 Months later.

Scientist: I introduce to you, Agent 10!

1 year later

Agent 10 lifts weights, glaring at the Czech flag, and a picture of his target, perched just below the flag.

2 years later, in New York

Scientist: Agent 10, you have a new assignment, it's in Minnesota.

Agent 10 grunts acknowledgement.

4 years later in Slovakia

Scientist: It appears that there may be a defect in Agent 10. He keeps injuring his groin. Should we recall him?

The new Prez (Rudolf Schuster): No no, I have total faith in the plan set forth by that guy whose name I can't pronounce.

Scientist: You know, I can't pronounce his name either. He was president for like 5 years too.

3 years later (2 days ago, actually)

Scientist: All right Agent 10, you have your assignment. Can you execute the plan to embarrass the Czechs tomorrow.

Agent 10 grunts.

Last night:

Agent 10 scores 5 goals against the Rangers, embarrassing Czech hero Jaromir Jagr.

Scientist: You did it, Agent 10! you have vindicated all of Slovakia!

Agent 10: I think you guys needed a better plan.

Fun headlines.

I think you can chalk your career up to "injury plagued" when you miss games in 6 of your 7 years to the same type of injury. While that's the bad news, its decidedly worse that the Star Tribune went with this particular headline. I don't believe that I have ever had anything like that written about me, but I'm not particularly jealous.