Ozzie Montana

In honor of his latest diatribe, in which he essentially asserted that he was going to Miami for the money, I have put together a truly horrible MS paint. Enjoy.

Today in bad MS paint....

The Gophers are playing Syracuse in their first game of the season. The Orange just named Greg Paulus their starting quarterback. This called for a Photoshop. Nobody heeded that call, which meant that I was left in charge. I don't have Photoshop and I'm rather talentless, so we're left with this.

Read Me!

As I may have mentioned a little while ago, I've got a new gig. I'm going to be contributing at Barry Melrose Rocks on Thursdays while Beth takes care of things here. Kevin, head honcho at BMR will in turn be coaching the Edmonton Oilers on Thursdays while Craig MacTavish runs the African nation of Gabon for one day a week. Meanwhile, Gabonese president Omar Bongo will fill in as chief zoologist at the zoo in Vienna, Austria. Meanwhile, regular zoologist Harald Schwammer will tend to Thomas Q. Crabtree's humidor on Thursday's so Mr. Crabtree can work for Beth at Real Job Inc. It's all very circuitous.
My duties at BMR include writing something hockeyesque on Thursdays, and never, ever using Microsoft Paint to copy and paste a blog hetter ever again. So come and read me! READ ME!

Jay Glazer is CrAzY

Jay Glazer is a total nut. Just wacky. Just ask him. In his interview with A.J. Daulerio over at Deadspin, he said exactly three times that he was "demented", another two times that he was "a little off", and once that he had a "kind of wacky personality". So clearly, Jay Glazer is nuts. It manifests itself by giving levelheaded reports from across the NFL, perpetually getting scoops and being the most tolerable member of the Fox NFL team.
Perhaps he really is this crazy, demented guy and I just can't tell because I've only seen him immediately after Terry Bradshaw. Maybe we should worry that he works with Bradshaw and STILL thinks he's demented.

Come to think of it, Mewelde DOES sound Slovakian.

We had some fun yesterday with the draft, didn't we? Making fun of the Vikings' picks is always a good time, but there was bountiful bad draftsmanship across the NFC North (unless you ask this guy). Take, for example, the Bears, who picked Matt Forte, running back from Tulane with their second pick. ESPN says this was a stretch for a guy who comes from a school whose best running back in their history was Mewelde Moore.
Yes, the Mewelde Moore that played for the Vikings for the past couple of years, primarily as a kick returner and third down back, and is now with the Steelers. The Mewelde Moore that was... born in Slovakia? In case someone alters the page to say something crazy like he was actually born in Hammond, Louisiana, here's what that page looks like. Wow, pair him with Rashard Mendenhall, pound for pound the best Dutch* running back ever, and that's quite the United Nations going on back there.
Of course since Mewelde is an elite Slovakian athlete, on par, some would argue with Pavol Demitra or Marian Gaborik or all the other hockey players out there, he was on the men's ice hockey team this year. Apparently they won something, judging by this obviously authentic photo.
* Probably as Dutch as Mewelde Moore is Slovakian.

Winter weather is fun!

Since I don't want to bore anyone with three consecutive college football posts (You're getting another 2 tomorrow) I figured I would point out something that I thought was fun and a little endearing.
The Twin Cities received about 4 inches of snow yesterday, and about a half an inch of ice. It's not a terrible storm by Minneapolis standards, but if you're Sidney Rice, who has never seen snow before, it messes with your entire world view.
According to the always reliable Brian Baldinger our pall Sidney was asking around his hotel, trying to find a ride to the game today, worried he wouldn't be able to make it. Then, for the first time ever, he peeked out his window and used the remote car starter to get his car going. Ah yes. The first snowfall. Always a treat for southerners.
Hurry Sidney! It's cold out and you're wearing shorts!