7 Things for the Twins to do this offseason

In case you haven't noticed, I have been a little ornery lately. The Twins have been playing like crap, something even a fledgling blogger like myself had seen coming after the trade deadline. I am, of course, ill equipped to be a GM for many reasons. I'm not that good with money (for example, I'm not making any money doing this and can't figure out why. Oh. Right. No ads), I often feel the necessity to change for change's sake. GM's often get up before 1 in the afternoon.
But then, the downfall of the Twins this season, and my prediction of it makes me think that hey, maybe I could pull off the GM thing. Not lost in this arrogance and self assured naivete is a voice in the back of my mind saying "holy crap the Twins are doomed! Do something!" So, what can I do? I can turn off the TV and start throwing myself into work and personal relationships, and realize that it's just a game, forgetting about the Twins now and then to preserve my sanity. Or I can write a lengthy post about what I would do, given the reins to the Twins this offseason. In case you haven't looked to the bottom to see if Beth has commented yet, I opted for the second choice.
So here it is, my list of things that I would do if I were Terry Ryan this offseason.
1. Resign Carlos Silva, first and foremost. No, really. At this juncture, Carlos Silva is the single most important free agent the Twins have, and it has nothing to do with his talent, which, admittedly is less than excellent, but still reliable. Resigning him is important for reasons on the field as well as in the clubhouse. On the field, a veteran workhorse pitcher saves a young bullpen from wear and tear as the season progresses. Off the field, Silva is one of Johan Santana's best friends on the team. In case anyone hasn't heard, Santana is fairly disgruntled with the Twins personnel approach of late, and has made no attempt to hide his displeasure. Signing a player to stay on the roster that Santana likes may be just the ticket to keeping him here.
2. Sign Santana to an extension. Whatever it takes. If he wants a third kidney, for example, he can have mine.
3. Trade Joe Nathan. The Twins deepest asset is their pitching, particularly in the bullpen, where Rick Anderson has and can groom any arm into a suitable reliever. Nathan is pricey and expendable. Moving Nathan will do one of two things. It will either free up some payroll to make a free agent acquisition or to sign Torii Hunter to a new contract. Otherwise, he can be traded for a needed bat, like Garret Atkins. I know it's unbelievable that the Rockies didn't want Juan Rincon for Atkins, but the Twins may have to pony up a little more for anyone they want to acquire. For the record, I'm not sure we could get Robert Atkins for Juan Rincon.
4. (Naughty word forthcoming!) Trade one prospect. Just one fucking prospect. Once. Please. Our heralded farm system has been cracking out a whole lot of top flight pitching prospects lately. We've got Scott Baker, Boof Bonser, Glenn Perkins, Kevin Slowey, Matt Garza, and Francisco Liriano all ready to win the AL pennant for the Twins. But wait. The Twins already have Santana (and hopefully Silva) in the rotation. Even if we didn't, that would be 6 players ready to take over the rotation (assuming we can move Pat Neshek to the closer spot and Carmen Cali remains in the bullpen), making at least one of those prospects expendable. The best option to trade would be Liriano, who was dominant, but is often injured. Not unlike Darren Dreifort. And how many titles did Dreifort win? That's right, zero. Trade Liriano and Nathan, and you have yourself quite the bounty, and it may put enough bats in the lineup that we won't even have to proceed to step 5.
5. Re-sign Torii Hunter. As I've mentioned, the Twins can't hit. Like, at all. This is why Hunter is important. His skills in the field are waning, but his skills with the lumber are improving drastically. While the squad can't hit, they can flash the leather, so we can deal with a slowing Hunter, as long as his bat stays at a 30HR clip. Of course, if we add another bat or three with our trades, Hunter, too, can be let go. Barring that, we should re-sign him, and maybe Jacque Jones, for the same reason as we kept Carlos Silva. Torii hunter is one of the more popular Twins, and it would be a shame to have him wearing another team's uniform when the new stadium opens.
6. Never ever ever ever let Nick Punto be an everyday starter. Ever. There's really no reason for it. Alexi Casilla can play second, I suppose. His ,247 average is still better than Punto's. Brian Buscher can play third. He seems like the only hitter the Twins have produced in their system since Justin Morneau. The sample size is small, so I would prefer a different bat in that role. Not Tommy Watkins. I'm not sure who that is, and that's bad. Punto is, of course, a wonderful player to have on the roster. He keeps everyone loose, and he plays well in the field. When he isn't put out there every day, he can be quite the sparkplug. Every day? Ouch.
7. Begin contract negotiations with Justin Morneau. Again, this should be obvious.

So there you have it. Let's say this all works out as I have it planned. This is the lineup and rotation I come up with, after trading Joe Nathan for Garret Atkins and Francisco Liriano for Matt Kemp of the Dodgers. Totally fictional and made up trades. (By the way, that would mean the Twins traded A.J. Pierzynski eventually for Boof Bonser, Garret Atkins and Matt Kemp. Still an excellent deal).

1. Casilla 2b
2. Mauer C
3. Atkins 3b
4. Cuddyer RF
5. Morneau 1b
6. Hunter CF
7. Kemp LF
8. Kubel DH
9. Bartlett SS

Jason Tyner, Nick Punto, Brian Buscher and Luis Rodriguez on the bench. Don't forget, Kubel can play the outfield too, so we aren't exactly short in that department.

Starting staff.
1. Santana
2. Silva
3. Baker
4. Garza
5. Bonser

MR Carmen Cali, Dennys Reyes, LR, Glenn Perkins, Matt Guerrier CL, Pat Neshek.

By Golly, we're still two roster spots short, but the Twins will manage to find to other middle relievers out of Spring Training. I know it sounds a little egotistical, but I think that is a fairly imposing lineup, particularly compared to what is being put on the field today. Will any of this happen? It depends. Will the Twins contact me and make me their GM?