Monday, July 07, 2008

Milwaukee struggles to become fatter

Back when Andrew Bogut was drafted by the Bucks, some people were wary of the pick, saying that he wasn't a good fit in Milwaukee. I responded by asking how a giant white dude wouldn't fit in Milwaukee. But that's not true. No, the fine people of Wisconsin don't judge you by the color of your skin, but rather, they embrace morbid obesity.
Milwaukee is a disappointing 9th in the league in terms of weight, despite Prince Fielder. Naturally, the Brewers needed to appease their fan base by acquiring a front end starter and another fat guy, so they are acquiring Indians' ace C.C. Sabathia. Can you imagine these two in uniform together?

Be sure they sit on opposite sides of the plane. But even if they do add the third heaviest player in the league, the Brewers will still only be the fourth fattest team in the league. What three teams are inhibiting eastern Wisconsin's lust for angioplasty related greatness?

3. New York Yankees
To be fair, much of the team has gained weight through steroids (I'm looking at you Giambi) and a lot of the heaviest guys taken into account are on the 40 man roster and guys I've never heard of, like Chris Britton and Andrew Brackman, but adding Sidney Ponson (above) didn't help. Joba Chamberlain could also afford to lay of the post game spread.

2. Washington Nationals:
Washington on the whole doesn't seem like they are all that obese, but they have a couple of players, but guys like Johnny Estrada and Wily Mo Pena are surprisingly heavy. Like I said, not notably a chubby team, but they do happen to have the only two players in baseball that outweigh Sabathia in Jon Rauch and Da Meat Hook, pictured with his 80 pounds lighter brother, Delmon.
1. Chicago White SoxThe Sox are deceptively bulky, like guys like Jim Thome and Andy Sisco, who are tall men to begin with, and not overtly fat. Make no mistake though, with Juan Uribe as the shortstop, things are bound to get thick in a hurry. The team has 6 players of the 40 man roster over 250 pounds! Adam Russell, Thome, Toby Hal, Jose Contreras, Sisco and the delightfully chubby Bobby Jenks. Hopefully Jenks' picture up there feeds Boilerdowd's taste for manboobs. They seem poised to make a run for the pennant, but I suspect they will get winded before they get there.

So, Brewers, the bar has been set. Do whatever it takes to acquire Dmitri Young at the trade deadline.He yearns for your local mayonnaise infused cuisine.

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Blogger thisisbeth said...

I wonder how things would change if you'd figure out the BMI for each team. Jon Rauch, being exceptionally tall, should weigh significantly more than 5'9" teammate Willie Harris.

8:26 AM  

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