I'm thinking of doing the Tour de France

Really, I think I would be a shoe in. Look at the facts: I have been riding bikes since I was like, 6. I'm a prodigy. I've always wanted to go to France. I'm very good at peeing in a cup, and I've never once failed a drug test.
Still, after all the doping scandals of the past several years, many more riders were busted for having something funny in their pee. At this point, it's becoming clear that having untainted urine is a skill, and it happens to be a skill I possess. Hell, I could do the Tour with training wheels. I'm taking my share of the profits of the Times and buying me and my Schwinn a ticket to France.